The Actress

Sunday, I took my youngest daughter for a manicure at a nail salon not far from our house in Studio City. While I was still in the chair, a woman who was somewhere around 40 years old came in. She was tall, slender, big breasts. Her nose job was obvious. She had high, apple cheeks, long dark hair. She was very talkative.

She sauntered in and admired the sandals worn by another customer. "I love your shoes," she said. "They look so comfortable. I could see myself wearing them. I am very particular about my shoes, being a dancer, and all." At that point, she stood on her toes, her exposed calves firmly flexing as she reached up.

She sat in the chair next to mine. She brought three fashion magazines with her. "I certainly hope I do not end up like her," she said pointing to a picture of Paris Hilton. "Can you believe it. You would think she would know better. . ." She starting going on about Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton's legal problems, and Paris Hilton + Nicole Richie but I had a difficult time following her. "I don't really know much about the details of what happened," I admitted.

After a few moments, I received a call from G. When I hung up the phone the lady next who clearly was eavesdropping on my conversation, asked, "Who is G.?" I explained to her that G. is the lady taking care of my father-in-law while the rest of the family is back east for my neices graduation from college.

"It's nice to have family," she said. She continued to chat at me. I learned that she is a single mother. Her husband is an actor who has remarried and started another family, much to the dismay of her sons, ages 13 and 17. The 13 year old is going to a home school at a neighbor's house which is working out for him because he was not functioning well in a regular class room setting. Her older son goes to a school in West LA because he has problems with audio-visual processing, but who knows what will happen when he is 18. She is an actress who just did two small films -- not SAG. She had to do her own makeup for one of them, but that is not such a bad thing. That evening she had a dinner meeting. Who sets a dinner meeting for Sunday night? She did not now know, but it was her obligation to go. Leafing through the fashion magazine, she could not believe that someone would pay $6,000 for a dress, but she believed if she could, she might. Her sons love each other a lot and she does the best she can as a single mom, although she may have to go back to al-anon.

The Bar Mitzvah

Last Saturday my dear friend K. went to a bar mitzvah. The bar mitzvah service was held in a small, orthodox synagogue. Most of the congregants are old Ashkenazy men from Eastern Europe who survived the Holocaust. They are generally a somber lot who take the business of prayer quite seriously. The synagogue has a reputation for being particularly traditional and humorless.

The shul was fairly crowded. There were the regulars who prayed at the synagogue on a daily basis. There was the Shabbat crowd that showed up every week for Saturday services. The bar mitzvah boy’s family was there. All of the bar mitvah boy’s school friends were there. There were even parents of friends of the bar mitzvah boy there. (That was how K. was in attendance being the mother of one of the bar mitzvah boy’s close friends.) The synagogue was full of the devout and full of well wishes for the bar mitzvah.

After the bar mitzvah boy read his torah portion and the rabbi completed the service, the mother of the bar mitzvah boy, in an uncomfortably progressive move, went to the front of the shul to make a speech. She directed her words to her son.

"If you are going to smoke marijuana, I want you to make sure you smoke only the good stuff. Make sure you know who you get it from. And make sure that you are in a safe place when you do so. . ."

The Divorce

My friend's brother-in-law suddenly left his wife and five children. The children range in age from 19 years old to 10 years old. They are an orthodox Jewish family who are very religious. Both the wife and the husband cover their heads (she with a hat or wig, he with a yarmulke). They observe the strictest laws of Judaism. Their life together had always been centered around religion. Major decisions were informed by their religious beliefs including where to live and how to educate their children. They regularly attend synagogue. They are fully ensconced in their religious community.

The wife works as a public school administrator, having been in education for years. He works for an organization that provides support services to victims of torture.

The couple seem to live their lives in accordance with shared values. Their children are lovely. They are both involved in careers that focused on helping others. They never appear to fight or bicker or even to disagree with each other in any meaningful way.

They are also a very attractive couple. She has fine bone structure, soft brown eyes, straight teeth. He is handsome. They are both intelligent, engaging. While we did not seem them often, it was always a pleasure to see them socially. He was a particularly interesting conversationalist who spoke with wit, charm and knoweldge.

After more than 20 years of marriage, the husband suddenly left his wife. He announced to his wife that he did not love her. He said he never wanted to have five children. He said that he hated Judaism.

The husband's complete rejection of his family and lifestyle was shocking to everyone. The wife was in disbelief as he explained to her his lack of feeling for her and the children. People in the community tried unsuccessfully to analyze what could possibly make him act this way? Was he ill? Did he have a brain tumor? Was he traumatized from a recent visit to European sites of concentration camps and other places of torture as part of a work trip? Was there another woman? Was there another man?

It turns out he had lived a lie for over 20 years and simply does not believe in God.